Burns lacks homers in his lineup, even with one on the bench.
In one of the classic episodes from a culture-defining show, season 3, episode 17 of The Simpsons broke ground with its star-studded list of legitimate athletic celebrities, but could Mr. Burns have created a better roster? Statistics suggest probably.
“Homer at the Bat” wowed audiences guest appearance list. In the episode, Mr. Burns hired then-MLB players Roger Clemens, Mike Scioscia, Don Mattingly, Steve Sax, Ozzie Smith, Wade Boggs, Darryl Strawberry, Ken Griffey, Jr., and Jose Canseco to play on the company softball team for its championship against Shelbyville. At the end, Homer is hit by a pitch to score the winning run, so the hero comes through.
To call the lineup – actually voiced by each of the players – one with heavy Arizona ties would be a complete stretch, but Steve Sax coached first base for the Diamondbacks for a year and Don Mattingly got some managerial experience in 2010 with the Arizona Fall League’s Phoenix Desert Dogs.
While the starting lineup would have certainly broken ground in a slow pitch softball league in the fictional town, Burns might have done better to simply pluck the starting batters from one of the last decade’s MLB National League All Star teams.
In what is certainly unnecessary analysis, I compared the 1992 Springfield roster’s core batting statistics with those of the past decade’s NL All Star starting lineups. I excluded the DH from each of the past teams, as well as Roger Clemens from the ’92 squad for two reasons: equal batting numbers and because Clemens was hypnotized in the episode and spent the entire final game clucking like a chicken, unable to throw.
Because each of the players on the Power Plant roster have been long retired (the trouble with doing statistical analysis on an episode that aired nearly three decades prior) the simple act of tallying up career statistics would not be fair. The MLB players. Thus, the average of each player’s career batting average, RBI and home runs per-162 were tallied to create an average player from each roster.
Burns actually picked a solid team, in comparison, for batting average. His squad’s .283 is fourth of the eleven, narrowly behind the 2017 and 2010 lineups at .284 and .286, respectively. They could have used Tony Gwynn or any of the other stars of the time to get on base more, but it is still a respectable lineup.
However, when it comes to home runs and RBI, the average player on the 1992 team pales in comparison to recent NL All Star lineups. Even with power hitters like Griffey and Canseco on the roster, the 1992 Power Plant team’s players averaged just 19.38 jacks per 162 games. Just last season, the average player on the NL roster averaged 29.5 per 162, over ten more. As for RBI, the 1992 team barely squeaked by the 2011 lineup with an 81.38 average as opposed to a clean 81. Maybe Barry Bonds or Gary Sheffield could have been a legitimate upgrade.
While solid for a local softball league in 24 hours, as the plot explained, there could have been a far better roster with all of the league’s players to choose from. Monty Burns is a great businessman, but may lack a keen eye when it comes to a career as a baseball GM.
Side Note: eight of the nine players are unable to play due to a variety of comical reasons in the episode. Among the ailments is Ken Griffey, Jr., who experiences gigantism due to too much of a substance Burns calls “Brain and Nerve Tonic.” With Jose Canseco and Clemens on the roster, it could have been far more cutting to take one of them out because of abuse of a performing enhancing substance.