The East Valley...
The summer after I committed to Mountain Pointe, our staff would go over and conduct practices in Ahwatukee in the morning, then go back to Camelback and run the summer league in the evening. We added Mountain Pointe to the league, obviously. A few of our Camelback kids were contemplating transferring to MP, so they blended with the returners from there. The first thing we all noticed when we started practices at MP was that the players did not really seem to care for each other. Like someone would be missing from practice and none of the guys knew where he was. That lack of communication is never good for a team. Another thing we noticed was that their star returning player, a 6’10” kid, was a bit lazy when it came to getting back on defense. That would be a big problem with me. He also exhibited a general lack of hustle, and one of our credos is “there is no such thing as a hustle slump”. So within two summer league games, he didn’t like our tone I guess and he decided to transfer to St. Mary’s. Immediately, the mood from the other MP kids changed for the better, and we won most of our games that summer quite easily, including the University of San Diego team camp. In the end, only one Camelback kid transferred to MP, however, and that was Adrian Aguayo, who would have an amazing career for us.
Now, remember the two Camelback coaches were sure the Mountain Pointe parents would “eat me for lunch”, so we needed to address that issue right away. The 90’s was the beginning of the open enrollment era and the rise of club ball all over the Valley. Parents were getting much more involved and nowhere was that more evident than out in Ahwatukee. We had a parent meeting and I handed out a list of parent do’s and don’t’s that I will share with you. Before I do, I will tell you what I told them up front- first, there are appropriate times to discuss a player’s progress on one of our teams. Before, during, or immediately after a game are not appropriate- period. Coaches are focused on the contest at hand and should not be approached at these times. That is a cardinal rule of etiquette, and is tantamount to me coming to their house and entering without knocking. Second, we will never talk about playing time, as that is a subjective judgment based on practice and/or game conditions. We will tell you how your son is doing in the function of ability and attitude. And third, we will never discuss what a parent thinks about other players’ attitudes and abilities- the old “my son is better than Billy, but Billy plays more” thing.
So, here is my list of parent do’s and don’ts. Parents have a unique role in the team equation. They are not impartial observers, so their entry fee does not absolve them from their connection to the team. They cannot use the cliché “I paid my money, so I can say what I want”. They can seriously, and often do, embarrass their sons with that mentality. I’m sure many parents will have their own feelings about this, but here is how this one coach stands on the issue. Parents:
DO- be supportive of your son by giving him a pat on the back, whether he plays or not.
DO- listen to your son talk about how he is doing.
DO- be there to support his commitment with rides, punctuality, and whenever possible, financial support.
DO- help the booster club by volunteering time or money to help the program. Your sons’ appreciate your involvement.
DO- attend games, no matter if your son plays a little or a lot or not at all. If he is hurt and cannot play, go to the game anyway. It says a lot about commitment.
DO- encourage your son to talk to the coaches often about how he is doing and how he can improve.
DO- communicate with coaches in the appropriate manner and time if you have a desire to talk about your son’s attitude and abilities, and how he is doing generally. Call and make an appointment, or send an email or text.
DO- sit in the stands and be supportive of the team.
DON’T- be an antagonist if your son complains about his place on the team. Statements like “I know you’re better than Bob, the coach must be nuts”, are harmful. Encourage your son to communicate with the coach.
DON’T- sit in the stands and bitch and moan about the coaching, the players, or the officials. You may think that will do some good. It does not. I have had many players tell me privately how embarrassed they are about this kind of behavior.
DON’T- go above the coach the first time there is a problem. The AD and the principal will ask you “have you spoken with the coach?”
DON’T- try to talk to coaches about playing time. If you have sat through every practice and game, then the coach may be willing to share his feelings about that issue. If not, then you must trust the coaches who are with your son everyday. Many players come home and tell their parents they don’t know why they are not playing. That is usually incorrect, as the coaches have probably shared that information with the players on a daily basis. The players just don’t want to talk about it with their parents. There are a lot of things that teenagers don’t want to share with their parents, face it. I had three in my family. I heard “I don’t know” a lot.
DON’T- try to talk to a coach about your son before a game, during halftime, or immediately after a game. They will not appreciate that.
DON’T- try to talk to a coach about your son during practice. Make an appointment.
DON’T- walk up to a coach while he is talking to someone else and butt in with your two bits about how he is doing with the team or your son. Be polite. Scott Clayton from azprepsports.com was with me a long time ago when a parent burst into our conversation with some statements about how we were playing “head games” with her son. It was not appreciated and was the last conversation I ever had with that person about their son.
DON’T- expect the booster club to be a vehicle by which coaches favor one player over another. It is not.
DON’T- lend your expertise without being asked. I was at South Mountain Community College one year to watch my son, Jordan, play against another college, when a parent approached me prior to the game and said “watch (the opponent’s) offense- you need to run this at Mountain Pointe.” After that college was pounded by SMCC by about 30, I cruised by the parent and said “are you sure you want me to run that?” It was a subtle way to let the parent know how unappreciated his advice was.
There it is. The parents signed off on it, and I did it every year after. There were breeches in etiquette every now and then, but by and large the parents understood. Maybe it will help you.
Next time…the Central Region…
The summer after I committed to Mountain Pointe, our staff would go over and conduct practices in Ahwatukee in the morning, then go back to Camelback and run the summer league in the evening. We added Mountain Pointe to the league, obviously. A few of our Camelback kids were contemplating transferring to MP, so they blended with the returners from there. The first thing we all noticed when we started practices at MP was that the players did not really seem to care for each other. Like someone would be missing from practice and none of the guys knew where he was. That lack of communication is never good for a team. Another thing we noticed was that their star returning player, a 6’10” kid, was a bit lazy when it came to getting back on defense. That would be a big problem with me. He also exhibited a general lack of hustle, and one of our credos is “there is no such thing as a hustle slump”. So within two summer league games, he didn’t like our tone I guess and he decided to transfer to St. Mary’s. Immediately, the mood from the other MP kids changed for the better, and we won most of our games that summer quite easily, including the University of San Diego team camp. In the end, only one Camelback kid transferred to MP, however, and that was Adrian Aguayo, who would have an amazing career for us.
Now, remember the two Camelback coaches were sure the Mountain Pointe parents would “eat me for lunch”, so we needed to address that issue right away. The 90’s was the beginning of the open enrollment era and the rise of club ball all over the Valley. Parents were getting much more involved and nowhere was that more evident than out in Ahwatukee. We had a parent meeting and I handed out a list of parent do’s and don’t’s that I will share with you. Before I do, I will tell you what I told them up front- first, there are appropriate times to discuss a player’s progress on one of our teams. Before, during, or immediately after a game are not appropriate- period. Coaches are focused on the contest at hand and should not be approached at these times. That is a cardinal rule of etiquette, and is tantamount to me coming to their house and entering without knocking. Second, we will never talk about playing time, as that is a subjective judgment based on practice and/or game conditions. We will tell you how your son is doing in the function of ability and attitude. And third, we will never discuss what a parent thinks about other players’ attitudes and abilities- the old “my son is better than Billy, but Billy plays more” thing.
So, here is my list of parent do’s and don’ts. Parents have a unique role in the team equation. They are not impartial observers, so their entry fee does not absolve them from their connection to the team. They cannot use the cliché “I paid my money, so I can say what I want”. They can seriously, and often do, embarrass their sons with that mentality. I’m sure many parents will have their own feelings about this, but here is how this one coach stands on the issue. Parents:
DO- be supportive of your son by giving him a pat on the back, whether he plays or not.
DO- listen to your son talk about how he is doing.
DO- be there to support his commitment with rides, punctuality, and whenever possible, financial support.
DO- help the booster club by volunteering time or money to help the program. Your sons’ appreciate your involvement.
DO- attend games, no matter if your son plays a little or a lot or not at all. If he is hurt and cannot play, go to the game anyway. It says a lot about commitment.
DO- encourage your son to talk to the coaches often about how he is doing and how he can improve.
DO- communicate with coaches in the appropriate manner and time if you have a desire to talk about your son’s attitude and abilities, and how he is doing generally. Call and make an appointment, or send an email or text.
DO- sit in the stands and be supportive of the team.
DON’T- be an antagonist if your son complains about his place on the team. Statements like “I know you’re better than Bob, the coach must be nuts”, are harmful. Encourage your son to communicate with the coach.
DON’T- sit in the stands and bitch and moan about the coaching, the players, or the officials. You may think that will do some good. It does not. I have had many players tell me privately how embarrassed they are about this kind of behavior.
DON’T- go above the coach the first time there is a problem. The AD and the principal will ask you “have you spoken with the coach?”
DON’T- try to talk to coaches about playing time. If you have sat through every practice and game, then the coach may be willing to share his feelings about that issue. If not, then you must trust the coaches who are with your son everyday. Many players come home and tell their parents they don’t know why they are not playing. That is usually incorrect, as the coaches have probably shared that information with the players on a daily basis. The players just don’t want to talk about it with their parents. There are a lot of things that teenagers don’t want to share with their parents, face it. I had three in my family. I heard “I don’t know” a lot.
DON’T- try to talk to a coach about your son before a game, during halftime, or immediately after a game. They will not appreciate that.
DON’T- try to talk to a coach about your son during practice. Make an appointment.
DON’T- walk up to a coach while he is talking to someone else and butt in with your two bits about how he is doing with the team or your son. Be polite. Scott Clayton from azprepsports.com was with me a long time ago when a parent burst into our conversation with some statements about how we were playing “head games” with her son. It was not appreciated and was the last conversation I ever had with that person about their son.
DON’T- expect the booster club to be a vehicle by which coaches favor one player over another. It is not.
DON’T- lend your expertise without being asked. I was at South Mountain Community College one year to watch my son, Jordan, play against another college, when a parent approached me prior to the game and said “watch (the opponent’s) offense- you need to run this at Mountain Pointe.” After that college was pounded by SMCC by about 30, I cruised by the parent and said “are you sure you want me to run that?” It was a subtle way to let the parent know how unappreciated his advice was.
There it is. The parents signed off on it, and I did it every year after. There were breeches in etiquette every now and then, but by and large the parents understood. Maybe it will help you.
Next time…the Central Region…
